


It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's De-Lovely

by NurseDarry



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crackier than a stick of Brighton rock, EWE, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 15:18:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1609805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/pseuds/NurseDarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco is a lifeguard, Harry is the owner of the Donkey Ride. Both work at the same seaside resort. Harry tries to get into Draco’s trunks. Draco would like a powerful beast between his legs. All Severus wants is an ice cream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's De-Lovely

**Author's Note:**

  * For [birdsofshore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdsofshore/gifts).



> Please forgive the silliness; it will be painfully clear from reading this that Scrat is my favourite character from Ice Age. HUMONGOUS kisses to my co-artist and good friend, **Moonlitdark**. Thank you also, to my wonderful beta  & Brit-picker, groolover. Title taken from the song "It's De-Lovely" from the Cole Porter show, Anything Goes. Also, for those who don't know, [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/99_Flake) is a Flake 99.  
> Written for hd_fan_fair's Career Fair 2012.

  
****

 

Harry liked to tell himself that sitting on his donkey brought him that much closer to the man sitting in the lifeguard's chair. Harry was familiar with the duties of a lifeguard: keep an eye on the bathers, break up fights on the beach, help reunite lost children with parents. But this lifeguard - this one, with the lovely skin and fabulous chest - looked like he was surveying his kingdom from a throne, and his glance alone, behind the dark wrap-around sunglasses, was enough to keep even the most adventuresome swimmer in check.

Harry hadn't yet seen the man from the front, and his eyes were getting sore from using his peripheral vision to sneak surreptitious glances.

The afternoon sun grew hot, and Harry slid from his donkey's back and tied him in the shade of his hut. Harry affixed a nose bag and left the donkey to snack whilst he went in search of his own refreshment. As a child he had never been allowed the luxury of choosing his activities and food when the family went on holiday -- that was, if he were even allowed to go on holiday. Usually Harry was left in the care of Mrs Figg and could only dream of the seaside.

It was just as the vendor was pushing a Flake into Harry's ice cream that he heard the familiar drawl behind him. 

"Hot enough for you, Potter?" 

The voice was quiet enough not to be overheard, for which Harry was pleased, and familiar enough to causes shivers to pulse down Harry's back. He turned sharply, ice cream forgotten, and found himself looking directly at the owner of that delicious chest. It was toned, tanned and sported several scars which, rather than detracting from its beauty, seemed to draw the eye to all the best bits. 

Harry froze as his gaze moved north to see the face of his childhood nemesis. _What the hell was it doing attached to that body?_ Harry thought stupidly.

"Malfoy, what are you doing here?" Harry allowed himself another glance at that chest, just now noticing the silver whistle dangling in the centre of it. "And why are you dressed as a lifeguard?"

"Because I _am_ a lifeguard. I would think that would be obvious." Draco's voice might have deepened slightly in the years since they'd been teenagers, but it still held the snide tone Harry remembered.

Draco took his ice cream, and thanked the vendor.

"I see you've found your calling," Draco continued. Harry just smiled. He'd have expected nothing less than sarcasm. 

"Actually, I do enjoy the work," he said.

o0o

Severus Snape needed a holiday. Throughout the course of all the harrowing events in the last twenty-two years, he'd not been away once. In the wake of his near-death experience with Nagini, Snape had had a quiet epiphany -- it was time to start truly living, to stop carrying torches and to _find_ himself.

At least, that was what Remus had told him to do. 

Snape thought that was a load of hooey, but he was determined to show that holier-than-thou canine that he had grown from his war-time experiences. Waiting for his 99, Snape turned up his nose at the memory of the conversation. It had ended with the suggestion that he spend a week or two at the Lupins' holiday home near a Wizarding beach on the Devon shore.

Figuring ice cream was part of the whole "beach-experience" Remus had spoken of, Snape carried his cone carefully towards a row of deckchairs, glaring at a gaggle of clumsy urchins as they came racing towards the ice cream van.

o0o

Harry and Draco eyed the rows of deckchairs laid out along the sand. There were only a few chairs left, mostly single chairs wedged in the centre of the rows, but Harry found two together near the back, almost in the shadows. It was cooler here, of course, but quieter.

Draco settled himself into his chair, rested his sunglasses on his head and turned towards Harry. "Clearly you enjoy the work. When there's not a kid on that donkey, _you're_ sitting on it."

"Have you been watching me, Malfoy?" Harry asked, then licked off some ice cream that was beginning to dribble down his hand. He didn't miss the fact that Draco's gaze followed his tongue. 

In between the surreptitious and more obvious appraisals of each other's attributes, because really -- wasn't that one of the things one did at the beach? -- they learned that they had both left the UK for the Continent after the War. Both had chosen to remain far from the fanfare and hubbub of victory and re-building, away from the press, away from the sycophants and lynch-mobs. 

Between bites of ice cream cone, Harry learned that Draco had yearned for the simpler, happier times in his life. Harry had once heard Ron talk about this place, and had vowed to one day visit if he lived long enough to have the opportunity. He explained to Draco that this was a holiday with no aunt and uncle, no selfish cousin, and as long as he could remain somewhat anonymous, he was determined to enjoy himself.

"Have you managed it, Potter? To stay incognito?" Draco inquired.

A corner of Harry's mouth tugged upwards. "Would you ever think to find Harry Potter on the back of a donkey at a seaside resort?" he quipped.

"Fair enough," Draco agreed. "About as likely as my hauling clumsy surfers from the water. In fact, one of them was a Weasley, I'm sure of it. Good thing I had my hat and glasses on at the time."

At that, Harry flashed a true grin. The levity was short-lived, though, when a low-flying seagull, foraging for abandoned treats, dive-bombed the deckchairs.

Harry and Draco wisely kept their cones out of harm's way.

o0o

In the centre of the throng of chairs, Snape's 99 wasn't eaten by the birds. Rather it was used for target-practice.

"Ewwww!" cried a small child sitting near him. "Mum, that seagull just pooed all over that old man's ice cream!" 

Snape's pale face went pink as everyone around him turned to get a better look.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"And the winner of the _Hunkiest Life Guard Award_ is...Contestant Number Three!"

There was an eruption of squealing and applause and a gaggle of mostly adolescent girls surrounded Draco as he accepted the ludicrous-looking trophy. 

Harry just smiled and clutched his own tatty trophy, having earlier won "Most Popular Attraction." Not at all sure how that title should be interpreted, Harry had just waved to the crowd from under his straw hat when accepting the award. 

All of the contests were taking place this week and the beach was heaving. Harry had nodded to Draco when he arrived that morning. The other man had nodded back, but neither had had the chance to approach the other, being busy with regular beach business and now the afternoon of contests, in which they had both taken part. 

Once their respective contests were over, Harry thought to carry on the previous day's conversation, which had been surprisingly pleasant and hadn't ended with one of them hexing the other. 

No, _hex_ was not the word that leapt to Harry's mind when he thought about Draco Malfoy now. 

But it sounded similar.

He made eye contact with Draco and inclined his head toward the ice cream van. Draco nodded, then went back to his adoring fans.

o0o

Down the beach, Severus Snape, in attempting to move his newly-purchased ice cream from one hand to the other, dropped it in the sand when he reached out to accept the "Knobbliest Knees" trophy.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"There you go, Professor," said the Punch and Judy puppeteer to Harry as he handed over the figurative reins of the show. Harry had convinced Draco to have a go with the puppets to amuse the large gathering of children who were crowded under the awning during a short but sharp shower of rain.

Draco hadn't been keen to take on the Bottler role, but once he'd realised he could keep his hat and glasses on, he'd only be recognisable as "That Cute Lifeguard". And Harry knew Draco would secretly love the attention. And even though Draco had stage-whispered "This is the last time I do something nice for you", Harry was hoping he'd have a change of heart. 

"Ladies and gentlemen," Draco called to the assembled crowd of mostly toddlers, tweens, parents, and one middle-aged Potions Master. "We'll not let a little rain spoil the day! After all, the show must go on, right?"

"RIIIIIIIGHT!" came the resounding response.

"Then cast your gaze to the stage, where the drama of...of..." Draco faltered. They'd not discussed what the actual story would be and Harry hadn't anticipated doing much more than bashing the puppets together and shouting "Ow, ow, ow!" a lot.

Draco looked in askance at the waiting crowd and Harry was forced to improvise, and shouted from under the stage the first thing that came into his head: "Punch and Judy go to Hogwarts!"

There was much cheering from the crowd. Harry looked again at Draco from just above the stage. He'd not removed his ever-present panama which covered both the messy dark hair and famous scar. Of course the audience could see him peeking over the stage and the children all giggled. "We can seeeee you," cried a few, who were obviously fully immersed in the spirit of things or had seen one too many pantos.

Harry ducked back down whilst making sure the puppets were still above the stage.

"Right, everyone, first things first!" Draco called to the crowd. "Which houses do you think Punch and Judy would be sorted into?"

The enthusiastic response contained the name of every house. 

"Okay, I can see this is going to be trickier..." Draco was getting into his stride now. He walked through the middle of the seated crowd, which parted like the Red Sea. "I want _this_ half to sort Punch..." he gestured to one half of the audience. "And this half to sort Judy!"

Five noisy minutes later, and thanks to a little magic, Punch was wearing Gryffindor robes and Judy Ravenclaw colours.

"Now, which lessons shall they go to first?" Draco asked. "History of Magic?"

Harry made the puppets lie down and pretend to be snoring noisily. The crowd laughed.

"How about Transfiguration?" Draco called.

Punch obligingly transformed Judy into an eagle.

"Next, it's Potions!" shouted Draco. This was met with a chorus of boos and hisses. On the stage, the two puppets quivered nervously. 

"Oh, come on," Draco said in an over-exaggerated style. "What's so bad about Potions? Wasn't anyone here a Slytherin?"

"I was!" shouted one parent. There followed several more shouts in the affirmative. Then the first caller spoke out again. "But I was rubbish at Potions!" 

The crowd all laughed.

"I hated the teacher!" someone else called. "He frightened me!"

"And me!"

"He frightened all of us!"

As the laughter continued, Harry transfigured Eagle Judy into Puppet Snape. 

The crowd made more "boo" and hissing noises.

"Oh, no! It's Professor Snape!" Harry cried in a falsetto voice. "He hates us Gryffindors!"

o0o

Standing at the rear of the audience on the edge of the beach and scarcely hearing the earlier drama while he waited impatiently in the queue at the ice cream van, Severus recognised his name and turned just in time to see a red-and-gold-clad Punch puppet beating up a puppet that looked remarkably like him.

Sadly, in so doing, he didn't see the ice cream vendor hand him his cone, which slipped from the man's fingers and fell onto the hot asphalt below.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Dusk. The water was still on the warm side, the bathers were fewer and farther between; Draco and Harry were off-duty and decided to get a little exercise of the wet kind. True, Harry's job kept him walking to and fro along the beach all day, but he was full of nervous energy, and no amount of banging two hand puppets together had done anything to slake it.

After dinner, which each ate separately, they met by the ice cream van and decided a cool dip was just the thing. The weary vendor explained that he was busiest just after tea time when people took a stroll or a dip before indulging in a bit of pudding, so he stayed open until late during the summer holidays. The two men promised to return after their swim. 

At the water's edge, Draco finally removed his hat (the sunglasses having been stashed after dinner), and they entered the water together. After the obligatory man-splashing that no one with a Y chromosome seems capable of controlling, they settled down to swim leisurely for about fifty metres and then return at a similar pace.

Of course there was nothing that couldn't be turned into a competition between them, and Harry grinned to himself as he picked up the pace, just to see what Draco would do. Predictably, Draco upped his pace to match Harry's and then kept getting faster. It was only then that Harry realised, too late, he had engaged in a swimming race with a lifeguard. Harry hadn't even learned to swim until he was at Hogwarts, whereas Draco had been swimming since he was little. The race very quickly degenerated into something that would have easily had them thrown out of any proper competition -- kicks aimed at sensitive spots, manhandling under the water, grabbing stray limbs, all in an effort to slow each other down.

o0o

Despite all the rough-housing, it was a shout from the shallows that stopped the two men. Their heads shot out of the water and they ceased thrashing about. They hadn't heard exactly what had been shouted, but the bather was flailing around, holding a foot in one hand, and an ice cream cone in the other. He awkwardly hopped about, looking very distressed.

Draco shook off Harry and swam rapidly towards the victim. Harry admired the view as he watched Draco in action. When Draco reached the man, whose face was concealed behind a curtain of hair, he tackled him in order to get an arm around his middle, startling the man immensely. 

As Draco attempted to haul the man to safety, both he and Harry heard a familiar voice. "What in the blazes are you doing?!" Snape roared. "I'm not drowning, you cretin, I stepped on a broken shell!"

At the sound of his Head of House's voice, a voice Harry assumed Draco would never fail to recognise, he instinctively responded, immediately opening his arms and releasing the angry splashing Potions Master. Snape fell heavily into the water and onto the pebbles below. 

The ice cream cone went flying into the shallows.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The two men obligingly handed over their tickets.

The ticket-taker eyed the single mat left by the side of his booth. "That's the only one I've got left that isn't frayed to ribbons," he said warily. It was clear it'd been a very long day. Harry could empathise. He'd been busy leading his donkey up and down the beach, and several times Draco had been called into service to re-unite families and fend off the dive-bombing gulls. At no time had he needed to rescue any bathers. 

"That's fine; we'll share," Draco said, and Harry looked at him. "It's either that or wait for one of _them_ to surrender their mats." He gestured to the kids queuing up for more tickets.

"Aren't they supposed to leave them by the booth?" Harry whispered none-too-quietly.

"They are, but none of them ever does until they get tired of the ride and move on," Draco said. He'd had a lot of time to observe the tourists; Harry had had no such luxury, as he'd been continually on the move as the donkey ride was constantly in demand.

It was clear the ticket-taker and his string vest had no intention of confronting the little darlings who'd made off with his mats. After all, they were spending a small fortune of their parents' money to keep using them. 

Draco allowed Harry to pick up the solitary mat, and the two men climbed the long staircase that lead to the top of the Helter Skelter. In typical fashion, the wooden stairs were narrow and rickety, and more than once, Harry was sure they were going to tumble down them.

Once at the top, the two men awkwardly arranged themselves -- Draco behind Harry with his arms loosely around him, much to Harry's delight -- and they pushed off. 

As they sped up, Harry tried to concentrate on Draco's proximity, but the thrill of the ride, and this being the first time he'd tried it in tandem, soon overwhelmed his already reeling senses. 

He could only hope that he'd not spoken aloud the _Wheee!_ that he'd been thinking all the way down.

o0o

Severus, fresh from visiting the ice cream van again after getting bored waiting for a child -- any child -- to return a mat for the Helter Skelter, watched from a distance as two men came down the ride on one mat.

When they passed by it, he saw the taller of the two men drop the mat by the ticket-taker booth. Severus waited for them to leave and walked more quickly than usual to the booth. He handed over his ticket and grabbed the mat before the man in the booth could point to the sign that said _No food or drink on this ride._

What goes around, comes around, though -- literally, in this case. Severus was half-way down when he slid sideways and the mat came out from under him, leaving him tumbling head over heels to the bottom of the ride. His ice cream tumbled after him, and was unrecognisable, as well as inedible, by the time he was reunited with it.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"You do know Snape's sitting just down there," Harry said, pointing directly below them. He perched on the top rung of Draco's lifeguard's chair, looking down.

"Yes, I think he's pretending he doesn't know us," Draco replied. 

It was true; after Draco had "rescued" Severus, the older wizard had spluttered and shouted and screamed blue murder. Then he went quiet, and refused to acknowledge either Draco or Harry. He had pulled together as much dignity as he could muster, and had stalked off, without his ice cream and without looking back.

Now he sat just to the right of the lifeguard's chair eating a brand new 99 and pretending not to watch a group of witches play beach volleyball. 

Never a big fan of Snape, even when he showed his true colours during and after the war, Harry was keen to find something else to look at. He became distracted by the back of Draco's neck, which not only looked very kissable, was also getting a bit pink above the collar of his loose sleeveless T-shirt. Harry kindly mentioned the impending sunburn to him.

"Here," Draco said, reaching over his shoulder with a bottle of sun cream. "But don't get any on the shirt."

"How am I supposed to put sun cream on the back of your neck just above your shirt without getting it on your shirt?" Harry whinged to the back of Draco's head. He didn't even have to hide his devious smile. "You know how sloppily I made potions."

Draco was still for a moment, obviously considering Harry's ability, or rather, inability, to do anything in a tidy fashion. Then he reached up, nearly smacking Harry in the nose in the process, and grabbed a fistful of shirt. He pulled the garment over his head and off, leaving Harry staring at the creamy expanse of a swimmer's toned back. 

Harry wondered briefly if drool would work as well as sun cream to protect Draco's skin from the dangerous UV rays, but decided not to test the theory. Instead, he hooked an arm around the back of the chair and awkwardly squirted what was probably far too much of the piña-colada-scented lotion into the other hand.

Harry slowly and gently began rubbing the lotion into Draco's skin. It turned the reddening parts white, too white, making Draco's back look like it was covered in clown make-up. Harry decided he'd just have to keep rubbing, maybe not quite as gently, in order to make sure all the lotion was absorbed. 

"Oops," Harry said as some of it dribbled down his arm and off his elbow. "Might have got a bit too much."

"Fine, just put the rest on my chest," Draco suggested. "I'll leave my shirt off for a bit; the sun feels nice." As if to emphasise the point, Draco pulled down the brim of his hat and lounged back into the chair slightly. 

Harry made a short choking sound in the back of his throat which he attempted to cover with a cough. In so doing, he went to cover his mouth and more of the excess sun cream dribbled off his arm. With what remained, he carefully reached around Draco and slathered his chest with it. Using his whole palm, he rubbed in the sun cream, stopping only when perhaps using too much pressure over Draco's ribs, causing him to giggle. At least it sounded like a giggle.

Harry tried to keep going as long as he could, and when finished, he resisted the need to remove his hand. Just as he thought that standing there with his arm wrapped around the lifeguard probably made for an interesting tableau, Draco briefly placed his hand over Harry's.

"Thanks," Draco said quietly, and Harry smiled at the back of his head.

o0o

Thinking that his ice cream had been shat on once again when he felt something land on his cone, Severus looked up.

Sighing heavily, he looked back down at his cone and decided it was unlikely that bird poo would smell of coconut and aloe vera.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Third place, I can't believe it! Considering we spent all of about fifteen minutes on the thing, I'm very impressed with the result!"

Harry was chuffed; he and Draco had just been lounging on the beach, idly piling sand around each other's legs, feeling the grains drift between their fingers and toes, when Teddy Lupin had rushed over to ask them to join in the sandcastle competition. 

Harry and Draco had suspected he had wanted them to help him, but Remus had been adamant -- he'd have to build it all himself. (That hadn't stopped Daddy from perhaps casting the odd spell to encourage the little flags atop it to flutter just so, and to have the plastic toy dragon guarding the driftwood portcullis spurt smoke from its nose.)

Harry was actually pleased about the distraction. He suspected that had they not been interrupted, he would have created a spectacle by launching himself at Draco's sand-covered form and not caring who saw what he did after that. He had a sneaking feeling that Draco might have done the same, judging by the suspicious bulge in his trunks Harry had seen just before dumping sand over Draco's lap.

Competition over, he grabbed Harry's wrist and motioned towards the row of stripy beach tents several feet away. "Come with me, Potter," he all but growled. "I've wanted to climb on top of you since the ride down Helter Skelter, and I'm not waiting any longer."

"Look after my donkey for me will you, Remus?" Harry called out as he was unceremoniously but willingly dragged towards an empty tent. 

Remus turned and regarded the donkey calmly standing by Harry's hut. "Sure," he called. "No problem!"

The next thing Harry saw was the ground, as Draco threw him onto the cool sand and pounced.

o0o

Severus was having no more of this. He'd seen Remus enchanting his son's castle, and he would not allow the boy to steal first place from right under his hooked nose. He had deserved to win. He should have won.

But trying to explain that to Teddy Lupin wasn't working, and now the boy's insufferable mother had started in on him for having a go at her little boy.

In the end, Severus had to be content with second place, and in a final display of bad sportsmanship, threw his celebratory ice cream cone into the sand. As he did, sand shot up from the ground and all over Teddy's ice cream cone, which set the little boy off in a fit of tears and his mother off on another angry tirade.

o0o

Still pouting, Severus stood with Tonks and Teddy next to Harry's hut and looked up at the steel-coloured sky. The weather had been threatening since the finish of the sandcastle-building completion, and seemed to reflect Severus's current mood. Which suited him just fine.

Always the peacemaker, Remus had trotted off to the ice cream van and had come back carrying three new 99s. One of these he had held out to his son, whom Tonks had put astride Harry's donkey to stop the earlier tears. Another he handed to Severus, who grudgingly thanked him and made a face at the little boy, just to be spiteful. The third he shared with his wife.

Severus moved to stand under the narrow overhang of Harry's donkey ride hut just in case the weather broke. There were weather spells, of course, but that would have seemed suspicious to the Muggles at the beaches nearby. It was work enough to keep them from seeing all the magic being performed by what looked like ordinary people on an ordinary beach.

Severus was pulled from his weather reverie by a low moan which came from one of the changing tents. His first thought was to look immediately over at Remus. "What was that?" Severus asked, wrinkling his nose as more strange noises emanated from the twitching tent.

Remus looked sheepish (not easy for a werewolf), as he leaned over and said to Severus "Harry and Draco Malfoy. I think they're celebrating their sandcastle victory..." 

"What?" Severus snorted. "They didn't win." He glared again at Teddy, who ignored him in favour of the donkey, then back to the tent, which now was not just twitching, but teetering dangerously. 

Remus cleared his throat loudly. "Uh..."

"Oh good lord, don't tell me," Severus said with a tone that clearly indicated he did not need the details; he could pretty much hear them anyway. 

He decided to look anywhere else but the wobbling and moaning beach tent. His gaze flitted around -- over again to that horrible Teddy, over to Teddy's equally horrible mother, up to the ominous clouds above them, and finally down at Harry's donkey that was calmly eating Severus's ice cream.

**The End**


End file.
